Lessons on Losing Somebody

1. Be confused by unusual behaviour.

2. Spend a couple of weeks giving them space assuming they will snap out of it.

3. Talk to them. Meet a brick wall.

4. Feel angry, frustrated.  Tell yourself “it’s their loss”. Try to ignore it some more.

5. Think you’re handling it okay. Congratulate yourself on your maturity.

6. Find yourself crying for no reason while doing something trivial.

7. Feel other people drifting away from you as they take sides.

8. Blame yourself. Hate yourself. Tell yourself you are not worth loving.

9. Find yourself hating going out of the house, talking to people. Feel like everyone is going to turn on you.

10. Keep your eyes down, keep your mouth shut, try to stay away from people.

11. Realise that this is not possible.

12. Grudgingly return to society. Talk to people, laugh with people about little things. Remember that not everyone is cruel, that some people are kind, sometimes when you least expect it. Small acts by almost-strangers remind you people can be nice.

13. Be the best person that you can be. Feel good about yourself for trying to be a nice person. Try to learn from what has happened. Resolve never to treat other people the way you have been treated.

14. Feel okay while around the person who has hurt you. Tell yourself you are over it.

15. Get hurt by some small memory or feeling or statement they make. Get angry at them, get angry at yourself for still caring.

16. Repeat steps 14 and 15 several times before moving on.

17. Notice their little imperfections. Notice their insecurities.

18. Notice your own strengths. Notice your own confidences.

19. Wake up one day realising that they lost a good, loyal friend when they let you go.

20. For the first time, say “it’s their loss” and mean it.

21. Repeat steps 14 and 15 another four or five times.

22. Stop being angry at them. Realise they are not evil, they are just weak.

23. Stop being angry at yourself. You are a good person; not perfect, but you have done your best.

24. It still hurts. But only five or ten minute bursts once or twice a day. Not all the time, like it did.

25. Realise you have let your mental and physical health slip because you felt so bad. Start treating yourself well.

26. Maybe you will always miss them and care for them, a little. And maybe it will always hurt a little. But you feel like you are going to be okay.

27. …?



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