Why do men get so defensive about feminism anyway: A short conversation

Ben1: Why do men get so defensive about feminism anyway?

Ben2: What do you mean by that?

B1: What?

B2: Is this about that thing?

B1: What thing?

B2: The other day, when I said that thing.

B1: It’s not about the thing.

B2: I’m just saying, if you want to talk about the thing…

B1: See this is just what I’m saying, men get all defensive when you raise this kind of thing…

B2: Well you raised it…

B1: I was just talking in general principles. You made it all about you…

B2: ….

B1: You see what I mean?

B2: You weren’t talking about me?

B1: It’s just a general conversation.

B2: … Okay.

B1: Can I continue?

B2: … I’m sorry. Continue.

B1: So whenever you talk about feminism have you noticed that men get all defensive?

B2: When you say “men”….

B1: Oh now don’t start that.

B2: What am I now?

B1: You’re gonna do that thing.

B2: You said it wasn’t about the thing.

B1: Not that thing. You’re gonna do that “not all men” thing.

B2: Dude that is not even grammatically correct.

B1: No, it’s a thing. An internet thing. You must have seen it.

B2: I haven’t seen it.

B1: It was like, all through facebook.

B2: I didn’t see it.

B1: It was like, every second post on twitter for like eleven days.

B2: I think I missed it.

B1: …

B2: I think we have different friends.

B1: I don’t think we do.

B2: Is this conversation going to go on much longer?

B1: So the “not all men” thing is when you talk about something men do, and then the person goes “hey not all men do that.”

B2: Not all… is this a trick?

B1: What?

B2: Are you trying to make me say not all men do that.

B1: Do what?

B2: Not all men do the not all men thing. And then you can say “Aha” and it will be one of your point things.

B1: …

B2: …?

B1: It’s not a point thing.

B2: I hate your point things.

B1: Look, the point is, the… essence is, that when you’re trying to say something about how men as a generality often behave and you (the other you, the responder you) complains and gets the conversation bogged down in the semantics of whether I actually meant each and every man in the world or whether I was just generalising, you derail the discussion…

B2: What, you said this wasn’t about me.

B1: Not you, you. The general “you”.

B2: The general me.

B1: The general “you” derails the discussion.

B2: What’s this derail?

B1: …

B2: What’s…

B1: I don’t think we should get into that. Let’s have that talk another time.

B2: You brought it up man…

B1: I’m just, it kind of means, you’re dragging the conversation off topic onto a subject that’s irrelevant.

B2: You mean me, or the general me.

B1: The general you.

B2: Right.

B1: That’s the “not all men” thing.

B2: Right.

B1: It’s a thing.

B2: It’s an internet thing.

B1: Right.

B2: Right.

B1: So don’t do it.

B2: Right. You know…

B1: Because people will call you out on it.

B2: You’re gonna call me what?

B1: I… so the defensiveness thing, anyway.

B2: Sometimes.

B1: Do you know how sometimes a woman will raise something that bothers her and instead of listening to her, the guy will just hear an attack on himself?

B2: Sometimes…

B1: Do you know…

B2: Sometimes….

B1: What?

B2: Sometimes…. When people say, it’s not about you, it really is about you.

B1: What?

B2: Like, you know, the other day, when I put up on Facebook about how I hate how grocers sometimes put your fruit in the bag too hard and the fruit gets spoiled.

B1: I don’t remember that.

B2: I put it up on my wall.

B1: I must have missed that.

B2: I was like, when I put it up there, it wasn’t like I put it up about a specific grocer. I put it up as just a general comment about grocers. Like, it’s not about my grocer.

B1: Right, yeah.

B2: See.

B1: What?

B2: The thing is…

B1: What?

B2: The thing is…

B1: What?

B2: It wasn’t a general comment.

B1: It wasn’t…

B2: It wasn’t a general comment. I just *said* it like it was a general comment. “Oh, all grocers are blah de blah”. But it wasn’t a general comment.

B1: So it was…

B2: It was about my grocer.

B1: …

B2:  I just *said* it like it was a general comment. You know. But it was *all* about my grocer, Aaron. He puts the fruit in the bag too hard. It really annoys me.

B1: …

B2: So sometimes, when you say it’s not about you, it’s really about you.

B1: You’re facebook friends with your grocer?

B2: No

B1: Then how would he…

B2: It’s… the internet, man. Things get back to people. It’s like…

B1: Seriously?

B2: Don’t… stop… derailing me.

B1: …

B2: …

B1: Very good.

B2: See, I listen.

B1: I never said you didn’t.

B2: Well all right.

B1: So where were we?

B2: That I don’t know.

B1: So anyway, going back to the central subject of our discussion…

B2: Of course, please do…

B1: Sometimes… *sometimes*… when you start talking about feminism… some men… *some men* get a little bit defensive. And they don’t realise that it’s not all about them.

B2: …

B1: You know? You know what I’m trying to say?

B2: …When…

B1: yes?

B2: … When you said… that it wasn’t about the thing that I said…

B1: Exactly…

B2: And I thought it was about the thing that I said…

B1: That’s it, now you’re getting it. That’s exactly it.

B2: Was it really about the thing I said?

B1: …

B2: You can be honest.

B1: I have to go.

B2: It was about me.

B1: I really have to go.

B2: You… go.

B1: I really have to go.

B2: Here. Take an apple.

B1: Thank you.

 

 

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One Response to Why do men get so defensive about feminism anyway: A short conversation

  1. I agree. Grocers are the worst.

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